There is a perception, based on direct or indirect experience, that divorce is too costly, lengthy and burdensome a process. However, many believe that everyone finds it easier to cope with a civilised break-up than the constant games and wars of a dysfunctional family.
What difficulties can arise during a divorce?
- In Hungary about 18,000 marriages break up every year. The high number of divorces does not necessarily mean that there are more unhappy marriages today than in the past, but simply that it has become more socially acceptable for spouses to admit that they want to continue living separately. However, divorce is still preceded and accompanied by a lot of anxiety, fear, questions and doubts, especially if there are children involved.
- Although divorce is basically the end of a relationship between two adults, the former spouses remain in contact because of the contact with the children.
- However, if the framework is not well set up, further conflicts can arise after the divorce, further poisoning the lives of the former spouses and children.
How does mediation work in divorce cases?
- The person concerned calls the mediator on the phone and can briefly explain the situation they are asking for help with. The mediator asks questions to explore the communication and relationship between the parties and gives detailed information about the mediation process.
- When all parties involved have spoken to the mediator on the phone, we will arrange a mutually convenient time to meet in person.
- At the end of the first session, we will discuss how to proceed. A mediation session lasts 2.5-3 hours and a full mediation process consists of 1-5 sessions. Although partial agreements can be reached in the first session, experience shows that it takes more time to develop a new kind of cooperation, and it is good to have a safe communication medium and a trained professional where this can happen under the right conditions. Any change can only be integrated into our lives with the right support.
- If an agreement is reached at the end of the process, it will be put in writing.
- Once the mediation process is over, the mediators will contact the parties a few weeks after the process has ended to see if they still need further support.
The role of the mediator in the divorce process
In family conflicts, the parties are deeply involved and often delay divorce because they cannot leave the relationship without loss. Relationship conflicts also involve a specific male-female dynamic, which is strongly influenced by the different roles and conflict management patterns of the parties. The mediator keeps the parties' emotional expressions in check and helps them to articulate their needs and wants. If the parties understand each other's motivations and intentions, emotions can be reduced and feelings of helplessness can be eliminated.
The focus of mediation is not on past events and why they happened, but on the future needs and wants of the parties, which can be used to develop a new way of working in the relationship. Through guided discussions, the parties can work around a relatively tangible, concrete problem and reach an agreement. Unlike court proceedings, there are no losers because mediators lead the discussion in a way that leads to solutions that are acceptable to all.
Divorce mediation opinions
"It may sound strange, but during our marriage we couldn't talk to each other like we could in mediation. A fitting end to an important period in our lives. If I could choose again, I would have asked for help first, maybe we wouldn't have got divorced."
Károly, 47 years old